Zara Hanawalt
Stop whispering, start talking: sharp, sassy takes on life in a female body.
The 'Summer House' Drama Has Me Asking: What Does it Actually Mean to be a 'Girl's Girl'?
This may sound dramatic, but when Amanda Batula and West Wilson confirmed their romance via a joint statement, I audibly gasped. For the uninitiated, a breakdown: Batula recently announced her divorce from Kyle Cook, while Wilson has been in a will-they-won’t-they dynamic with Ciara Miller. How do I know all this? Well, all parties involved star on one of my favorite reality shows, Summer House.
Worth mentioning? Batula and Miller are close friends. Which means that people aren’t just side-eyeing Batula for moving on from her ex husband quickly, they’re also (rightfully, TBH) mad that she’s with her friend’s ex — and not just any ex. The ex who broke her heart.
It’s inspiring a ton of conversation about how Batula isn’t “a girl’s girl”. And when I say a “ton of conversation”, I mean this discussion is pretty much taking over my feeds at the moment. People are coming hard for Batula. They're saying they’ve always hated her. Saying she’s an insecure pick-me who was always jealous of Miller. A recent campaign Batula starred in was even pulled.
And it’s all got me thinking: What does it truly mean to be a girl’s girl? Yes, dating your friend’s ex doesn’t exactly scream “girl’s girl” behavior. It's a clear violation of girl code. Yes, this situation looks really, really bad, especially when you consider that Batula was there to watch Miller’s heartbreak unfold.
But it’s starting to feel a bit hypocritical. Calling out someone for not being a “girl’s girl”, all while essentially contributing to the cyber bullying of another woman, wishing ill upon her, and taking this fall from grace as an invitation to completely rip a woman to shreds on the Internet...I don't know, it seems like we've lost the plot a bit.
We see this time and time again: Pop culture has its heroes and villains, and we as a public come for people when they slip up — as we all do at some point. We condemn so loudly, there’s no way they can possibly shield themselves from the backlash.
There are real mental health dangers to this: People aren’t meant to hear about how hated they are, yet people in the public eye are essentially told they have to accept this, that it comes with the territory. We call is accountability, but really what it becomes is a burning at the stake. And that’s what we’re seeing here, IMO. Because let's face it, both men and women are vulnerable to this type of criticism when they enter the public eye....but somehow, we as a society always delight more in tearing down women.
This is not a defense of Amanda Batula. I’m not saying it’s okay — ever — to get with your friend’s ex. It’s a bad look, no doubt. It certainly doesn’t scream “girl’s girl” behavior. But, hot take: Neither does the outright hate this woman is receiving.
Ask Clara:
"what does it mean to be a girl's girl?"
Pregnancy April Fools Day Pranks are Deeply Unfunny
When I was trying to get pregnant, every single pregnancy announcement felt a bit like salt being poured on my wounds. I’m not proud of it, but it’s how I felt: I wanted to be happy for others when they announced their happy news, but I couldn’t help but feel like pregnancy announcements were just a constant reminder of what was not happening for me....no matter how badly I wanted it or how hard I tried.
But you know what felt even worse than seeing a pregnancy announcement? Seeing jokes about pregnancy on April Fool’s Day. It felt like this thing that was so serious for me was just…a joke to the outside world. At least a legit pregnancy announcement meant happy news for someone. But a joke about pregnancy reveals? It just felt…crass.
We’ve come a long way where sensitivity around fertility issues is concerned. Pregnancy reveal culture has changed. Yet somehow, not everyone has realized how insensitive and deeply unfunny April Fool's Day pranks involving pregnancy are.
I’m so frustrated — yet not at all surprised — to see that people still don’t get this. Today, once again, I came across a fake pregnancy reveal with an AI-generated image of a woman with a faux baby bump.
I’ve also seen debates about whether or not it’s actually wrong to joke about pregnancy today...and I’ve seen a take that “people are too sensitive” in regards to the “no fake pregnancy reveals on April Fool’s Day” rule that has finally become a part of our culture, at least to some extent. This doesn’t surprise me at all, TBH.
The reality is: No. We haven’t gotten too sensitive. Actually, we are still not sensitive enough. The fact that we even have to tell people this, that people are still seeing pregnancy as the butt of the joke, is proof of that.
With the rise of AI, I think pregnancy pranks and scams — on April Fool’s Day and otherwise — will only become more common. Fake baby bumps and doctored ultrasound images will, unfortunately, be way easier for people to create.
It shouldn't have to be said, but clearly it does: Pregnancy is no joke. And it’s not something to joke about. Ever.
Robyn Became a Single Mother by Choice and That's Not a Failure
Robyn — yes, the same Robyn who gave the world the absolute gift of the banger “Dancing on my Own”, among so many other great pop standards — had a child as a single woman in her 40s.
That still feels like a bit of a revolutionary path, though based on statistics around the rise of women opting out of marriage, I suspect it won’t be that way for long.
Like many (but not all!) mothers, Robyn always envisioned doing parenthood with a partner. And when it didn’t shake out that way, when she realized she would have to make compromises she wasn’t willing to make in order to have children in a conventional heterosexual relationship, she opted to do it on her own…and she’s reflecting on the complicated feelings that came with that choice.
“I had seen myself having a kid in a stable relationship. I was sad to let go of that. It felt like a failure,” she told The Guardian.
But here’s what Robyn is truly doing by getting real about these complicated feelings: She’s normalizing this path. And she’s telling other women who want to be mothers, who feel like their time is running out, yet don’t feel like they’ve found a partner with whom they want to build a family, that they don’t have to wait.
Thanks to both improved fertility technologies and a greater scope of what is truly possible for women, you can choose single motherhood. Doing it on your own may feel like the uncommon choice, and society may view it as a "last resort", but people like Robyn will change the narrative. Because it’s not a failure. And by sharing the things that led her to single motherhood by choice, she’s pointing out something important: It can be an intentional move.
“I think motherhood in a conventional heterosexual relationship, in my life at least, has been really hard to reconcile with what I think I would have to do to make that work,” she shared.
Choosing to do it on her own instead? It’s the farthest thing from a failure. It’s a powerful choice. As a mom myself, albeit one who had children after getting married — the more traditional path — I applaud any woman who is designing her own life and uncovering her own possibilities, like Robyn did.
It’s worth noting, though, that solo motherhood is a different ball game for someone like Robyn, who not only had the means to afford egg freezing and IVF, but also the ability to support a child and enlist childcare on her income alone. Her experience is probably not relatable to many single moms. But it’s also important that she challenges our ideas of what women can truly do, of all the options we have at our disposal. We may not all have the privilege to access all these opportunities, but the normalization of them? That’s important too.
Ask Clara:
"Why are women opting out of marriage?"
Diet Coke is Proof We Can't Have Nice Things
Listen, I love a crispy Diet Coke. When I hit that 3pm slump (side note: WTF is the deal with the 3 pm slump and why does it just knock me off my feet every single day!?!?), it’s literally the only thing my body wants. Cracking open that can, pouring it over some ice, maybe adding a squeeze of lime if I’m feeling ~extra~. OMG, it’s just the best.
Girlhood is loving a daily DC. We can all agree with that, right? There’s just something life-giving and…maybe slightly addictive about it.
Social media has arguably made it worse. I rarely log on to an app without seeing some type of Diet Coke content. Sometimes it’s a clip of another woman talking about how much she loves her soda…but sometimes it’s about how Diet Coke is going to kill us.
Some days, I see the latter and think “yeah, and you know what else is going to kill us? Life. So we might as well drink up and enjoy what we have”. Other times, I find myself really taking the risks associated with drinking diet soda seriously.
And those risks? They are, unfortunately, well-documented. There is, according to one research paper, “mounting evidence” that artificially sweetened beverages have been associated with a whole slew of health consequences, from dental issues to rheumatoid arthritis to accelerated cell aging, among others. In another study, daily diet soda consumption was linked to an increased risk of incident metabolic syndrome (which refers to a cluster of conditions, according to Mayo Clinic) and type 2 diabetes. Yet another links daily consumption of artificially sweetened drinks to increased dementia risk.
So...yeah. The risks do seem pretty real.
Listen, moderation is a thing, and an occasional diet soda is probably not the same as a daily drink. But that’s what is so hard here: Diet Coke is something that feels so habitual. You grab a case of it, then crack one open whenever you need a little pick-me-up, and it’s that perfect boost of refreshment and caffeine.
I guess that’s the root of the problem here: Diet soda is so easy to grab every day, and it’s such an incredibly hard habit to break. Clearly, I'm not the only one who feels this way. On social media, people even refer to cans of Diet Coke as "fridge cigs".
Somehow, it seems especially addictive to women, perhaps because it's such a part of the social fabric of womanhood to drink Diet Coke (the ultimate girl lunch is a salad, fries, and a Diet Coke, after all. I don’t make the rules!).
But in the name of our long-term health, we should probably pull back a bit. I know. I hate it too.
Ask Clara:
"Are artificial sweeteners bad for you?"
We Need to Talk About the Horrific Viral Video From a Male Nurse
Even in spaces that are meant to be safe and protective, female bodies are vulnerable — and a recent viral video is proof of this.
A male nurse has made major waves on the Internet after posting what was, presumably, meant to be a funny piece of social media content. Spoiler alert: It's not funny. At all.
In the video, the nurse shows himself opening up a Foley catheter. The text onscreen reads “Inserting a Foley catheter on a Gen Z female patient” followed by a laughing emoji. It’s already wildly inappropriate: Presumably, the nurse wasn’t actually in the room with a patient and was just acting out the process for the camera — which is already unprofessional. Why are we creating performance content around a medical event that can already feel incredibly uncomfortable and invasive? And why are we adding a laughing emoji and making this a joke?
But what takes this to the next level of inappropriateness is the song that plays in the video. The song is “wgft” — feel free to guess what that acronym stands for and the lyrics used in the viral video are “spread that p*ssy wide let me go for a dive”.
Sexualizing anything that exists in the context of medical care is absolutely reprehensible. And make no mistake, that is exactly what’s happening here.
And this right here? This is why so many women only want to see female medical providers. Because not only have they experienced gaslighting and dismissal from male providers, there’s also a (completely valid) fear of being sexualized while in a vulnerable state. And listen, this is clearly not just in our heads, as evidenced by this video. Also worth noting: Patients treated by female physicians have better outcomes, which is well-documented. This isn't about discrimination; it's about doing what we need to do to feel safe. And we shouldn't have to think so hard about that, especially not in the context of healthcare.
The bottom line here? Our bodies are our bodies, yet they’re constantly treated like they are public property. Female bodies are routinely objectified, violated, and commodified, and that’s at the root of so many issues we face, from medical gaslighting to sexual mistreatment. That's what we're seeing here on full display: A healthcare provider (who was rumored to have been fired after posting this video) treating female bodies like objects we have no agency over.
Work-From-Home Arrangements Could Boost Fertility Rates. Did We Really Need Research to Prove This?
Seven years ago, I walked away from a job that required me to be in the office four days a week when my twins were born. Everyone thought I was crazy…until a year-ish later, when the pandemic came and people saw how much their work/life balance improved when working from home.
Suddenly, I wasn’t the only mom I knew who was swearing off onsite work. Now, we’re being fed conflicted messages. We’re told we should “have more babies”, yet the things that made motherhood more doable — like remote work arrangements — are being taken away.
But now, what we’ve all been feeling is laid out clearly in the data: You want more babies? Let us work remotely.
Recent research indicates that fertility between 2023 and 2025, as well as future planned fertility, was higher among people who work from home at least one day a week, and even higher when both people in a couple work from home.
The phrasing of this may lead you to believe that it's your odds of getting pregnant each try that increase when you work from home (and perhaps it does — stress does play a role in fertility, after all). But I think we need to think deeper about this. Having work flexibility doesn’t just make the prospect of actually parenting easier, it also makes things like attending the never-ending appointments required for fertility testing and care more doable. That could certainly affect a person's ability to get pregnant faster, even if their fertility isn't necessarily "better".
Beyond that, it's about getting people to actually want to be try, though. Up until now, most research has pointed to things like contraception access, societal shifts, and the rising costs of childcare as the reason for the declining birth rate. And yes, all those things play a role.
But remote work opportunities also play a role here, as evidenced by the data. This isn’t one-size-fits-all, obviously, and the research doesn’t necessarily confirm that fertility and birth rates will skyrocket if people are given more workplace flexibility. It's not just about reproductive rates; it's also about reproductive choice.
Here’s the thing. As important as research is, sometimes it comes down to cultural factors, and sometimes that can’t be measured in the data. The fact of the matter is, we saw how essential workplace flexibility is for working parents through the pandemic, and now with return-to-office mandates being rolled out, that’s being taken away. It’s just another way our system fails to support parents, especially moms. So should we really be surprised when people see this happening and think “you know what? Maybe parenthood isn’t for me right now”.
Because it’s not just about boosting fertility rates. It’s also about boosting support for parents, and in turn making parenthood a more attractive prospect.
I Have Complicated Feelings About the Carolyn Bessette Effect
Everyone and their mother is fawning over Carolyn Bessette Kennedy’s iconic, effortless, minimalist ‘90s style…and many of the icon’s biggest admirers weren’t even alive to experience true ‘90s culture.
But those of us who are old enough to remember what the decade truly felt like seem to have some complicated feelings about the Carolyn Bessette effect. I know I do. When I watch Love Story, the show about Bessette’s real life love story with John F. Kennedy Jr., I feel a real sense of nostalgia for the time period…but because I was there, I don’t see it with rose-colored glasses.
So much of the Carolyn Bessette effect is about the time period as opposed to just the woman’s style (which was, to be clear, fabulous). There’s a sense of longing for something we can’t quite get back.
There was a simplicity to ‘90s culture that was reflected in the style: Not everything was hyper trendy and there wasn’t this need to define your aesthetic. There also wasn’t the intense pressure of plastic surgery, Botox, and social media filtering…and so we had the privilege of growing up with expressive, character-filled beauty.
But let’s not pretend there weren’t other problematic beauty standards in the ‘90s. Carolyn Bessette became iconic in large part because she fit the mold: Tall, thin, blonde, white. We were told, through subtle and overt messages, that this was the only way to be beautiful as a woman. The standards then were also incredibly exclusive, though arguably in a different way than they are now.
The Carolyn Bessette effect invites us to look back on how our ideas about what an ‘it girl’ should be have shifted…for better and for worse. It sheds light on how the one thing that hasn't changed is this: We’ve always demanded that women fit into this narrow ideal.
The Carolyn Bessette effect is all about longing for simple, natural, minimalist aesthetic…which feels impossible in 2026, when the pressure to do the most in the name of beauty, to be constantly on top of an ever-changing trend cycle, and to attempt every wellness hack under the sun loom large.
People may be idolizing the late icon now, but anyone who is watching Love Story knows that wasn’t always the case. Even she was picked apart mercilessly. Because while we no longer have the simplicity of the ‘90s and the minimalist style it inspires, what we still have is a culture that expects too much of women…and punishes them too easily. That hasn't changed one bit.
Ask Clara:
"How do beauty standards change over time?"
Allergy Fatigue is a Thing and I'm Learning That The Hard Way
Winter is officially over and I am thrilled about that. But here's what I'm less thrilled about: The onset of allergy season. Yesterday we had beautiful warm weather for half of the day (before a torrential downpour started, of course), but my son and I both found ourselves unable to fully enjoy the sunshine we'd been waiting for for so long.
I typically only have a day or two of allergy symptoms every year. But when those allergy days hit? Oh man, they hit. I'm miserable for 24-ish hours, with itchy eyes, a super runny nose, headaches, and just a general feeling of…blah. Yesterday I was so confused about what I was feeling and I told my husband I almost felt fluish — I was just so exhausted and lethargic. First I wondered if I was coming down with something viral. And then I decided to hit up my trusty friend Google.
Apparently, allergies can do more than make your eyes itch and your nose run. According to material from the Cleveland Clinic, allergy fatigue is a real thing. Your immune system is working overtime to respond to those allergens, and that can cause that sense of exhaustion. It's not surprising that I, like so many others, struggle to distinguish allergy symptoms from cold and flu symptoms. According to the material, your body produces cytokines, which are proteins released by the immune system, when dealing with allergies, just like it does when you're fighting off a cold, a virus, or bacteria.
As exhausted as I felt yesterday, I've also been sleeping poorly because of the discomfort of it all. That's the frustrating catch 22 of it all: It's hard to sleep when your nose is runny, yet your body is craving rest even more than usual. Brain fog is also a thing that happens, according to the Cleveland Clinic. Can confirm.
I'm new to the allergy game, so I am still learning how to manage my symptoms (and like I said, I rarely experience allergies and hope it stays that way), but if you're dealing with them, be sure to chat with a doctor to devise a plan that can work for you.
Ask Clara:
"What is allergy fatigue?"
A New Study Explains Why Women Are More Susceptible to Prolonged Pain
If you were to ask me to explain why women tend to experience more prolonged periods of pain, I'd have a lot of theories. Women, after all, carry pregnancies (which don't just affect your body for nine-ish months, FYI)...and we tend to neglect our own needs in order to meet everybody else's, we face wild amounts of medical gaslighting...the list goes on.
But new research reveals that there may be another reason at work. According to the study, which was published in Science Immunology, women do experience slower pain resolution and are more prone to developing chronic pain (no, it's not just in your head). The study also points out that the reason for this is unclear (which, you know, tends to be the case when it comes to matters of women's pain).
The researchers observed male and female mice to learn more about why male mice tend to have quicker pain resolution, which has been shown in previous research. What they found when comparing these animal findings to data sets was that the reason for this may be molecular.
The researchers observed that males were more likely to produce a molecule called interleukin-10+ (IL-10). In both sexes, the pain wasn’t resolved when IL-10 was deleted. Pain can certainly have a hormonal link, which may explain why women report greater pain during certain points in their cycles (menstrual migraines, anyone?), and hormonal differences between men and women could be at the root of all this. After traumatic injuries, men reported faster pain resolution and higher production of IL-10…which may be signaled by androgens, which are a group of sex hormones.
Listen, this research doesn’t give us all the answers, but it does validate the idea that women experience greater pain and have a harder time getting rid of said pain. As always, knowledge is power and information opens doors. So maybe these findings can give the medical community new ways to better understand and address women’s pain.
Ask Clara:
"Why is women's pain dismissed?"
Is Spring Actually a Better Time to Make a New Years Resolution?
If you’ve been here for a while, you know I’m not into New Year’s resolutions. To me, they just feel like they put way too much pressure on self-improvement rather than life improvement. And in the dreary month of January, when I’m coming off of the exhausting marathon that is the holiday season, when the days are short and the months feel endless, the last thing I want to do is commit to going to the gym everyday or whatever.
But maybe we’ve had the concept of resolutions wrong all this time. Obviously, a new year does feel like a great time for a fresh start. But spring is also a time for new beginnings, a season of rebirth. And maybe…that makes spring the perfect time for a resolution instead.
This was brought to my attention by the late James Van Der Beek, who made a video arguing for spring to be considered our fresh start. “Why are we celebrating a new year in the dead of winter? Why are we celebrating new beginnings at a time when nature rests?” he said. “The time to celebrate a new beginning and a new you and a new resolution is spring.”
There’s research to support this, and a piece from The Conversation sums it up really well. It all begs the question…should we all just embrace the idea of March resolutions instead of New Year’s resolutions?
Of course, you don’t need a massive cultural shift to decide to do this on your own. You can wake up tomorrow and resolve to meet up with a friend once a week, or hit a step goal everyday, or take up a new hobby. And honestly? There’s a chance you may have more success — early spring just feels like a much more motivating time than January, you know? The only drawback is, you won’t have that community feel of everyone else committing to a resolution at the same time.
At the end of the day, it’s your call to make, (though if you want to mobilize an early spring resolution shift for us to all take up together, I’m all for it!).
But whether you do them in January or March or some other time entirely, I believe resolutions should serve you, not stress you out. If you tried committing to daily gym sessions and you simply couldn’t find the time for it last January, chances are, it’s still going to feel like an overwhelming goal in the spring. But committing to waking up a bit earlier everyday? That may actually feel a little bit easier now that the sun is up a bit earlier.